Who needs alarms clocks? I have dad who’s got an amazing talent for nagging. He literally nags me awake: tickling, light switching on, TV on max volume, or just plain shouting… it eventually works. That way I can get up in time to waste away a whole hour before I have to leave for work.
This week, dad had to leave town for work, so like most regular people, I had to rely on my phone alarm1. Dutifully, I set it to 6:30am, so I could be at work by 8:00am2.
zzzzz………..zzzzzzz…….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
All of a sudden I bolt up, look at the phone and notice it’s 6:20am. I switch the alarm off, quickly go to bathroom… only to return 2 seconds later, deciding to sleep at least 15 more minutes. To be sure I don’t fall back asleep, I switched the light on. As if by mistake, my eyes slide over the clock on the wall which reads… 3:10am ! WTF 
?! I grab my phone… and sure enough, that says 3:10am as well.
Sighing happily, I reactivate the alarm, switch off the light and go back to sleep. Once again I wake up, sleepily reach for my phone, notice it’s 6:27am. I keep the phone in my hand and wait till the alarm starts ringing. Once it does, I switch it off and get up. After a scalding shower3, I sleepily trudge back and start dressing. A cursory glance at the clock on the wall reveals that it’s actually 6:10am… Bewildered, I grab my phone. I could have sworn it rang.
I flip it open, and obviously it’s still 6:10am. To add insult to injury, the little alarm icon was still present, a sign that it had yet to ring. This time though, I didn’t bother going back to sleep. I did ponder leaving for work earlier, but then even I found that indecent. I contented myself with aimlessly browsing Youtube. Come on: what else is there to do at 6am?? Aside sleeping, of course.
What are your most efficient sleeping waking up methods?
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1 my alarm clocks have all met their untimely demise at my hands. Interestingly enough, not because they woke me up. I was in the midst of cleaning… 
2 I actually need around 20 minutes of comfortably walk from home to work. Nevertheless, I need 1 hour to properly wake up 
3 you won’t catch me in a cold shower… ever… probably. Even if it’s 40 degrees Celsius outside, I’m still liable to take a hot shower. 
My parents are often (read: always) doubting my maturity. They are, however, always careful to stress that despite their nonstop nagging they are incredibly proud of me. It’s just that, there are these worrisome cases of me freaking out over tiny insects. I’d like to stress that whatever they label tiny, I define as reasonably dangerous… at the very least. 
After yet another episode of “DAAAAAAAAAD! GET THIS MONSTER OFF THE WALL NOOOW!!!!!111!!!one111!!!one!!”, my parents have once again brought up the age old question of how will I ever survive without them?
Case study: HUGE green flying grasshopper in the middle of the room.
(FYI by “HUGE” I mean 10cm long, 2cm wide and 1cm in height.)Step1: Scream bloody murder. Don’t worry about your neighbors, they won’t care.
Step2: Get your broomstick out of the closet, bathroom or wherever you keep it. If you’re squeamish like yours truly, a long handle and sizable cleaning part are preferred. This way, you can keep your distance.
Step3: Bludgeon the bloody beast to death (duh!). Since the grasshopper is not “HUGE” by international standards, even the smallest amount of force will suffice. Just make sure to strike hardest at the start.
Step4: Disposal requires indecent amount of toilet paper. My personal dumping strategy involves throwing it out the balcony/window. Just make sure your neighbors don’t see you - the idea is to dispose of it. Not throw it out, only to go down 4 flights of stair to pick it up again.
You might feel a bit weak-kneed after this, but YOU’RE SAFE. *cue harsh panting*
If you have any other suggestions, feel free to mention them
Every once in a while, employees (and employers as well, I guess) are required to take a so called work protection test, to show that they are aware of work hazards and are constantly on their toes. It’s occasions like these that remind my colleagues of their more obscure job requirements1:
The examiner is looking at colleague A’s test.
Examiner: A you’re part of an intervention team, right?
A: Um… no?
B: Yeah… he’s part of SWAT all right.
Examiner: No… I mean, some of you have extra tasks, in case of danger.
B: Oh yeah, I know. I’m the one who busts the power source.
C: And I’m the one who chucks the monitors out the window.
It’s times like these that make me glad I’m a junior developer. I’m not sure I could easily lift that many monitors. Granted, our windows are low…
What are your tasks in case of fire?
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1 working as a computer programmer, makes fires especially dangerous: lots of electric equipment around.