Lianko.com

[EDIT February 27^th 2008]
I finally installed PHPAskIt!, so now all those of you who want to ask me something, but would rather not use the comment form, can do so on the Q&A page! Yes, yes… I know: lame
[/EDIT]

… or so I thought for a good couple of years. This Christmas holiday proved otherwise, or maybe Spanish speaking people cause me panic attacks?

Every once in a while, our town is visited by some really cool ‘native American¹‘ musicians, who’d play on the streets. Now, I mostly don’t much care for street musicians as they’re rarely good. These guys, however, are really good. I often stopped to listen to them. Lately they’ve even started having better instruments and some really large speakers. Every time they’d show up, a sizable crowd would gather to listen to them play.

Since I now work and have my own money, I of course can afford to throw it all out on nothing… well not quite, but that doesn’t mean I’m not doing it. One such ‘nothing’ happens to be a CD of this band, they’re called Color Indio by the way. Last time I saw them, they were playing right in front of the newly built mall. Getting all excited about buying their CD, I quickly hurried over and started looking excessively interested in the only visible member.

Suddenly, I’m approached by a completely non native American looking guy, who asks if he could help in Spanish. I was very surprised and stared at him a good while. Thinking, I didn’t understand him, he diligently waves his hand periodically pointing at the CD, managing to say a few words in Romanian².

Finally, it registered that my lunch break was almost over and that if I did want to buy a CD, I had to hurry. It also registered that I did understand the guy’s Spanish without problems, however that didn’t mean I didn’t want to show off my own knowledge as well. Besides, that could also pass as being nice to a stranger. So I open … and subsequently proceed to close my mouth a few times. I couldn’t recall any single word in Spanish. NOT. ONE. MEASLY. WORD. Of course, all this time, the guy helpfully³ threw in some mildly relevant Romanian words with a hefty amount of sign language.

Frustrated beyond belief, and in serious danger of being late to work, I grudgingly told him in Romanian that I wanted to buy one CD, which had only instrumental tracks on it. Well… to be frank, I held up one finger and said “instrumentala”, which was quite enough. All the while I was frowning frustrated that not only was I late, but I couldn’t even compliment the members of the band.

Just when I was about to leave, a bit of Spanish knowledge suddenly found its way on my tongue and I managed to shout:

Me gusta mucho su musica.⁴

This of course managed to simultaneously scare and amuse the sales person. Plus, it posted a large idiotic smile on my face… finally. Poor guy, must’ve thought I was mental or something

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¹ they’re not really native Americans, but they look like some.
² Romanian resembles Spanish a lot, but when it comes down to actually speaking one or the other, they’re not quite the same.
³ or was maybe just really keen on selling the CD
⁴ I like your music a lot.

We’ve all seen those rules on various graphic sites. Some have them in sensitive places, such as download pages. Some tell us to read the rules before using the graphics. Some others, have an intermediary page, between these graphics section and the rest of the site.

Elisha of All of the Above XXX ¹, surpasses them all. Not only does she put it after the splash page, but also cleverly hides the continuation link. She must have done some amazing artwork to make us go through all this.

I was just doing some mindless link hopping, when the following text caught my attention:

What’s wrong, can’t find the right link? If you’re too lazy to read the rules, move your mouse over everything.

Um… right link for what exactly? Bewildered, I hit the back button, only to end up on the splash page. The enter image apparently linked to the rules page. That still didn’t explain what link I was supposed to find. Oh well, apparently reading the rules was the key.

1; ♥ Don’t you dare steal or redistribute my work in any way, shape, or form. If I find that you are doing this, there will be punishment.

I’ve yet to see this work you keep hinting at (layout is made by someone else). But sure, whatever floats your boat.

2; ♥ No messing with the credit on my layouts, and no editing over my graphic credits. I am the one who made them, and I think it’s fair that my name gets to be on my graphics, no.

Oh… so you can make layouts? This totally explains why you’re using a layout made by someone else.

3; ♥ I know I may sound really mean sometimes, but I can be really nice if you allow me to. I’m quite easy to make happy. Tell me not to laugh when you say booger and I’ll lighten up :]

I wasn’t aware of having forbidden you to be nice. Unless of course me having stumbled upon your site annoys you. Ah well, that’s life.

4; ♥ Click the period after this sentence. If you want to be affiliates, then just comment on my cbox. I have site buttons you can use on the affiliates page. Affiliate spots are always open

Oh yay,! *clicks* WHA?

♥ ♥ For shame ♥ ♥
Tsk, tsk, tsk. You’ve just made me lose my trust in you :[ I don't remember telling you why to click the period. Wanna try again?
Yes No It's alright, though. Did you know that 00257 people have reached this page, too?

But you said to click...

5; ♥ Sorry for all the rules. I hate typing this, and you prolly hate reading this. Just make sure you follow the rules and I won't be an angry you-know-what and chastise you. Chastise is the key to the door that opens and reveals the site.

Let's see: after 2 minutes I still have no bloody idea what I'm supposed to see, I'm insulted for following your directions and... you think I probably hate reading this? Whatever gave you that idea?!
Back to the link hunt: is the word chastise the link? Hm... better read the last rule too, lest I be insulted again.

6; ♥ If you have any questions or comments, good or bad, email me at xxx. Requests for graphics are now open. If you have a Quizilla, then please request on my shop, if not, please email me and I'll send you a form to fill out. No layout requests are open unless I know you personally, sorry.

All this layout talk is making me antsy. They must be some gorgeous pieces of art.

And the page ends with:

OH MY GOSH HOLY FREEKIN FINKLEMATTER - there's no link. Sucks for you if you can't read :]

I’m warning you: if I’m insulted yet again, I’m reporting you to… the Internet Police

*takes deep breath and clicks* Aaaand… it looks the same. Oh but the layout Punk Rock Princess makes it all worth it. I’m truly amazed and humbled by your skills. [/sarcasm]

I wonder: why doesn’t Nick of N.Design Studio use such a rules page. He’s a pretty good designer too…

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¹ Yes, that’s a triple X alright, why do you think I was so keen on it?!