Intolerant Me
Tue, April 22, 2008
Filed under: Pet Peeves
One of the things I appreciate most about the Internet, is how it made me accept a lot of concepts which I otherwise wouldn’t have. The most prominent among them being, perhaps, homosexuality.
I remember I had a classmate in freshman year in university, whose sexuality was rather debatable. Said classmate dressed like a girl (tight jeans, sweater and high heeled pointed boots), but had some rather rough facial features which one would have been hard-pressed to attribute to girls. After having seen his name one day, it turned out the classmate was indeed a guy.
I’m not entirely sure why, but just the thought of sitting near him made goosebumps appear on my skin. Now, when I think back, I’m mightily ashamed of it. After all, he was never loud, never swore, was always very polite. Aside this, one of my current best friends has a different sexual orientation to mine1.
As such, it came as a rather large and unpleasant surprise when today my aunt declared that I am rather intolerant. I found T. very rude (and childish) for calling me lame for having a blog. I take it for granted that when I’m told off for talking too loudly, I apologize and am quieter. I most definitely do not recommend ear plugs instead.
I was annoyed that they didn’t get this. I found it normal not to be willing to associate with them on personal level. I found it preposterous when it was suggested I take up smoking just so I could fit in. On the other hand, I think it mightily unfair that they do their best to ignore me, unless talking to me is absolutely necessary.
I still think my principles aren’t worth the compromise… and I still find it painful that I’m constantly alone because of this.
Why can’t they think objectively? Why can’t I accept that not everyone’s common sense is the same as mine?
__________
1 No Kate, I don’t mean you 
What’s wrong with homosexuality?
Vera: nothing; which is why I’m very much ashamed about my behavior.
Hah!
No compromise, dude. Ultimately the only person you’re ever going to have to answer to is yourself, so stay true to that. On the other hand, it’s not like I’m exactly a bastion of social acceptance or anything, so I’m sensing a bit of a pattern…
Vera: the more pressing matter is, whether I’m not exaggerating. It’s clear we won’t see eye to eye, yet I still insist.
I know what you mean — the internet has opened me up to so many different things, and I think my views have changed because of it.
For me, the “they” is mostly my parents/older relatives. It’s frustrating how it just feels like they don’t get it.
Vera: not sure if that’s necessarily because they weren’t exposed as much as you were. I’m inclining towards generation gap, there.
Yep, the internet teaches lots of things! :heart: :dance:
Vera: but it can be a double-edged sword. Like with me, who fell into the opposite extreme. :hmm:
When I first started writing “opinion” articles online, I was about 13 years old (note, that was 7 years ago XD). I thought all sort of horrible things (specially on homosexuality). I blame my parents, and stupid the ultra conservative schools I had attended so far.
I received a ‘review’ from someone who read my site and said that the people like me made the world the horrible place that it is. I didn’t understand it back then, but I agree with that person 200% right now.
After reading so many people’s opinions and information from a lot of sources, I was able to draw new conclusions. I’ve grown so much thanks to the internet, and I still feel like I learn a lot of things everyday.
So if you think some of your ideas may change for “the better”, and you are convinced that it’s right, let’em
Vera: it’s not that I’m changing my ideas, but rather that I might be a bit too militant about them.
I don’t think the Internet in particular has opened me up to any ideas… I think rather that it has “assisted” in me developing my inner bitch. But it does provide a nice way to see and hear wider views on controversial issues. e.g. the recent debate on Tibet vs China. Even though I’m still for Tibet on this, it’s nice to have heard the different views from others of my own age.
I don’t think it’s fair for others (like your aunt) to force their way of life on you. People have different values and necessarily behave differently. There will be those out there who stand with them, and others with you. So you spend time with peers around you who share the same values as you instead of feeling alone because you can’t fit in with those who have conflicting values as yours. Some of my friends have also implicitly voiced their opinion on the lameness of my act in blogging. I just ignore them and share my blog with others who actually understand why I like blogging.
Vera: oh she wasn’t forcing anything on me. I was complaining about them not accepting me, and she claimed that I should be more accepting of others’ criticism.
There’s no point trying to change who you are for the sake of someone else just because that someone else cannot see things your way. That path only leads to unhappiness, and you will eventually revert back to your ‘true’ self anyway.
Learn to suck it up and move on, is the best answer I’ve got.
Vera: yes of course, but when you see more and more people adopting the same stance, you invariably end up wondering if it’s not you who’s fighting a losing battle, so to speak. :hmm:
I agree with Jem. I don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with being conservative, so long as it doesn’t turn into bigoted-ness and cause you to behave in a way that is offensive to other people.
Other than that, I’m not sure what I think!?
Vera: I’m not conservative, quite the contrary. But I also try to act in a way that doesn’t bother others.
Smoking just so you can fit in… brilliant! What a great idea. Then, in 40 years from now, you can chill in the long term hospital wing with your tanks of oxygen just so you can fit into that crowd too. Sadly, there will always be stupid people. However, realize that you are an incredibly intelligent person that I respect. Your measure of common sense need not match those who cannot think things through logically.
Vera: Thanks. The feeling is entirely mutual (you’re on my list of links, after all
)
I was so shocked when I got told that. If it hadn’t been extremely rude, I’d have asked the person if she had gone completely bonkers. :fist:
I can see your point about how I jumped to conclusions, and accused you of that, and I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to get on anyone’s bad side, and hopefully, we can let it go, and I will forget it.
Well, I’m glad to hear that you will not be blogging about me or my website.
No, I don’t know you, but opinions about my website are helpful, they can guide me to tutorials or articles that can help me and my website.
I guess the people were either hurt, or embarrassed, a couple only closed for a few months, to wait for the articles to die down, which is what I would have done, if you blogged about me. I would just need that time to figure out what I was going to do with the site, and straighten things out, and what ever it was that they saw wrong, I would try and fix it. I would never(hopefully) get driven to the point where I wanted to close forever.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, Jem has helped people, and they straightened they’re websites out. I just didn’t want my website to be blogged about by someone, and than have people commenting, and saying how ridiculous my website is, like most of the people do when she blogs about a website. I know that my website is way different compared to yours, and I’m learning, I’ve only been into web-designing for a few years, and I am only learning most of the ropes now that I have my own domain, and I can experiment with different things.
Anyway, in a nut shell, I’m sorry about everything, and hopefully, we can leave it at that. I just don’t want people to be not liking me, basically because of a misunderstanding.
Vera: I’m not (and wasn’t before either) angry. I simply asked you a question through your Q&A form.
I actually agree with what you wrote on Delicatepearls site. I left her a comment on both her site and the place your inspired comment came from.
Vera: good to know.
If people don’t like you for who YOU are then they aren’t worth your time of day.
Vera: oh I know that… but some things are just not that easily categorized as black and/or white.
You know… there’s a lot of lame people in the world. Totally proud to be one of them!
Vera:
oh I’m quite lame myself, as proven by this blog entry, for example.
I used to be a homophobic – although I didn’t really express it all that much. However, I’ve opened myself a lot more now after having entered university two years ago and I gues I’ve become far more accepting than I used to.
And what’s so lame about having a blog?
It’s a far better (and more productive) pasttime than smoking! 
Vera: we-ell… on the other hand, if everyone agreed with me I’d have nothing to blog about
blog on!! you’re not lame for it. People who have insecurities about themselves, will pick apart other people, to make themselves feel better. Their targets are always the more reserved (quite) people, because they know they’ll do more damage to their complex. Most of the time, it’s because they are envious of the person they try to break down…so, you are envied ^^
Vera: I doubt they’re envious… although funnily enough I believe the person who did criticize me having a blog is now obsessed with it (gotta love statcounter). I’ve yet to decide if this is hilarious, or creepy. :rolleyes: