Envious For All the Wrong Reasons
Do you want to know a secret? I admit it, it’s not something of an Earth-shattering magnitude, but it IS something I rarely mention. I’m so very envious of you… and for all the wrong reasons.
In case you didn’t know1 I moved out from my parents’ place about 2 years ago. My reasons for doing that were:
- Because I could (duh!)
- Because I felt I was too old to live with them anymore
Reason no.2 especially feels silly,2 now that I think back. I remember having read about my independent e-friends, who were living on their own, and being all responsible with bills and grocery expenses, complaining about rent and utilities… I, on the other hand, was a few years older, had a stable job, but was still ‘freeloading’ at my parents’ place. To this day, both my mom and my dad take offense whenever I mention this. After all, they are my parents and they are happy to support me, and as their child I really shouldn’t worry about such stupid things.
Keeping that in mind, I can’t help but find it odd and perhaps a bit cruel to read about people living at home AND paying rent as well. Now don’t get me wrong, once I had my own salary3 I did pay for my own clothes, gadgets, insignificant little knick-knacks. I’d generally give my dad my food stamps too. I also insisted on treating my parents for “cool stuff” whenever I got the chance.4
Though I write a lot unflattering anecdotes about my parents here5, I do love and admire them greatly. My parents were never rich (still aren’t) by any stretch of imagination, but they weren’t poor either. When I read about other families who seem to be better off (comparatively), yet still ask their kids for monetary contribution just makes me appreciate them all the more. So I do my best to give them back at least a little of what they gave me.
Out of everything they did, it’s their support that counted for most. I was able to just concentrate on studying6 without having to worry about other expenses on top of everything.
I’ll definitely do my best to provide the same for my own kids, when I’ll have them. 
- Do you live with your parents?
- Do/Did you pay rent while doing so?
- How do you feel about parents supporting you (financially) after a certain age?
- Because for some weird reason you don’t read my footnotes, shame on you by the way [↩]
- Despite the fact that I agonized over this decision for about a year [↩]
- Which was comparable to either of my parents’ [↩]
- You’d be surprised how much resistance they would put up for getting free stuff.
[↩] - I’m shameless when it comes to my traffic
[↩] - Not that I did much concentrating, but you know, I could have been able to do so.
[↩]
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
December 8th, 2010
Do you live with your parents?
Until the age of 19. Then I moved out on my own. Moved back at 25 for 8 months while on contract, then moved back out again to another city for another contract. Going back in January.
Do/Did you pay rent while doing so?
Hell yes. $600/month, plus my own food and helping my parents do all of things they consider to be the devil’s work like working on computers and typing.
How do you feel about parents supporting you (financially) after a certain age (eg high school) ?
Loaded question.
Er….
I feel as though everyone should pay rent or at least do the housework in lieu of rent. If they’re just at home, watching TV playing video games and not doing a single thing to help their parents while living at home, then they’re bums.
It’s all right if someone can’t afford to help out their parents and their parents are happy to do it for free (mine weren’t
) but 30% of your income or something reasonable is the price of rent/housing.
At the time I was earning $3700/month so 30% was $1110. I got a bargain at $600, really.
Vera: Oh doing housework is definitely included, and I did that too (ok kicking and screaming mostly, but I did).
That’s an interesting concept of paying 1/3rd for rent. I understand paying your share of the bills, but if 1/3rd of your salary exceeds your part, why should you pay that fixed amount?
Simmarah
December 8th, 2010
Do you live with your parents? Nope
Do/Did you pay rent while doing so? No, I never paid rent while I lived with them. I moved out when I was 21 and never looked back! Currently I pay $410 a month, shared accommodations with a great friend of mine!
How do you feel about parents supporting you (financially) after a certain age (eg high school)? I think 25 is the cut off age.
Vera: Oh living on my own definitely beats living with my parents (for once no one to ask me “are you going to work wearing a red pullover?
). Interesting, how firm you are about the “cut off age”. Most people just about finish university at that age, so they’re likely not employed – not counting temporary jobs – at the time…
Noellium
December 8th, 2010
Do you live with your parents?
- Still do (don’t have a stable job that could earn me enough to live on my own yet).
Do/Did you pay rent while doing so?
- Yus. Also along with chores (cleaning the kitchen and vacuuming).
How do you feel about parents supporting you (financially) after a certain age (eg high school) ?
- I don’t mind actually…just as long as I do my part in being a member of the household (cleaning and things like that).
Vera: I understand needing to do chores, but rent… well unless of course your parents need to pay rent for the house too
Stephanie
December 8th, 2010
I sort of do and don’t live with my parents. My parents are supporting me through university (it is common to do so in the US), but university is literally across the country from where I live. So I guess you could say that I moved out when I was only 17 (I’m 19 now). When I go home (for a total of 2 months every year), I do chores and be a bum occasionally.
I feel like your parents should support you through high school, and maybe through university. I plan on being off their support once I graduate and beginning on paying them back bit by bit with my spare money. But it’s quite subjective when you’re a bum and when you’re not.
Vera: it is fairly common for parents to put kids through uni here too, granted if you have high enough marks, you don’t have to pay tuition, but for those going to university in another city, there is rent, utilities and food to pay for (at the very least).
Caity
December 9th, 2010
I stayed with my parents all through college and then stayed with them after that (even for a year or so after I was married) so that I (and then my husband and I) could get financially stable enough to support ourselves. I did always pay for what I could, too. I never paid rent but I paid certain bills, even contributed to the internet, and helped cooking and cleaning when I could, too.
Vera: yeah that makes perfect sense for me as well. That’s what I did after getting a job, yet still living at home.
Jana
December 9th, 2010
1) Nope, I do not live with my parents, I find it.. weird (no offence) that people live with their parents over the age of 19. Maybe not weird, I just like my privacy and being alone and don’t understand how people (like my boyfriend) can stand being around their family ALL THE TIME. I moved out of home when I was 17. My family isn’t exactly the best family though. My dad drinks a lot, so I hated living with him. My family is also poor, I’d rather live on my own and support myself then be at my parents and study or something.
2) When I was studying via correspondence, and working part time, all I paid for was the internet. My dad was pretty good about that.
3) I would feel bad about my parents supporting me now, my mum doesn’t have a great job, and is studying to become a nurse, and my dad… well he’s only just recently got a job. They’ve been split up since I was around 3. They’re both ALWAYS poor. If anything, I think I’ll be the one supporting them.
Vera: I guess it depends on what your relationship with my parents is. My cousin is 20, and feels the same way about living with his parents as you do . At his age I was never that bothered about my parents’ prying. That was something usual for me: my being grounded meant having my door taken away (i.e. off its hinges). We’d have our shouting matches, and then go about our daily life as usual.
OK, so after I started working things did change more radically, but it never occurred to me to move away, since I didn’t go to another city for uni.
Amanda
December 9th, 2010
Do you live with your parents?
I moved out just shy of 19. I’m 26 now.
Do/Did you pay rent while doing so?
Yes, for two years. The second year my husband (then boyfriend) had moved in with us when his parents moved to another town far away. We saved for a year then moved out. It wasn’t a lot to pay, but it was only a little less than what we paid in rent for our first apartment. We helped with the housework on top of that, and I had my own bills to pay (car, insurance, cell phone and some groceries) too.
How do you feel about parents supporting you (financially) after a certain age (eg high school) ?
I have no problem with parents supporting their kids through high school, or college. I’ve had a job since I was 14 though, and have always paid for my own clothes, my own gadgets, computers and cars (and college) in addition to rent at 17 and 18. I get a little annoyed at the kids whose parents buy them *everything* they want, and they don’t have to work for it. Mostly because then they don’t take care of it, and just get a new one. Maybe it’s jealousy? I also put myself through college, working nearly full time while going to school full time, so maybe I’m just bitter that I had to work hard to earn very little while some people don’t work at all and get everything they want.
My parents aren’t rich, but they weren’t poor either. Now though because of the recession in the US, they’re both out of work and not doing financially well. When I was living at home, they did have good jobs.
If your parents are willing to let you live at their house without paying rent, I don’t see a problem with it. Ideally, you help around the house, and work to save money to buy your own house. Renting is not the best thing to get into, because like another poster mentioned it does take a lot of your income (for us rent is 40% of our combined income) and that makes it hard to save up for a down payment on a house. In that case it takes longer to get out of renting and into something you can own (in 30 years) and can do what you want to it, like paint the walls.
Vera: oh definitely do some work around the house, but then again I used to do that ever since I was a kid. I never worked before uni though, mostly cause it was a hassle to find something, plus my parents’d always say “you’ll have time to work yourself to death, now just concentrate on studying”. Perfect excuse. But yeah… working part time/full time during high school is not very common here. And even in uni, most of my classmates started working towards the end of their senior year.
Chantelle
December 9th, 2010
Do you live with your parents?
No.
Do/Did you pay rent while doing so?
No. I lived with my parents until I was 18. Then, I went to uni.
How do you feel about parents supporting you (financially) after a certain age (eg high school) ?
It doesn’t bother me at all. My parents supported me through college. I hope to do the same for my own children.
I live in Korea so my views are perhaps a bit skewed in an Eastern (as opposed to Western) direction, but I really don’t see anything wrong with living with ones parents until something like marriage. Older children can help their parents with housekeeping stuff and with rent. Everyone would probably be able to save more money that way too. Ironically, not living with your parents is a little weird here (especially if you’re female).
Vera: Hm interesting. That view of people living with parents until they’re married is relatively common here too. Well except for those people who went to uni in another city (not my case).
Kalliste
December 9th, 2010
I haven’t lived with my parents since I was 19. My Mum gave me the ‘you’re using this place like a hotel’ speech so I moved out. They also didn’t like that I dropped out of the course I was doing and forced me to get a full time job… although while I was in the part time job they increased my rent/board to them but lowered it when I was making more money (huh? I know!)
Yes, I paid board (which paid for electricity, food, etc.) in my later years living with them.
So that answers that question
I wish they had supported me more and perhaps I would have stayed in school.
Vera: oh my parents gave the “hotel speech” too, but I would just sulkily mutter something and ignore them
Awh, I can’t possibly imagine not having parents who’d support me through school. I’d get extremely hysterical during finals too… 
??:
Belinda
December 9th, 2010
I moved out of my parent’s house when I was about 21/22. It was a practical thing; I started working full-time and wanted to live near my work and my parents were moving to a new house quite far away. Before that I didn’t pay them rent because I didn’t have a full-time job and was still studying.
I don’t have a problem with parents “supporting” you after high school. Lots of people I know, mid-20s, still live with their parents. They don’t pay rent but support their parents other ways, like how you do. One of my friend makes quite a lot of money and buys holidays and a new car for her parents but never properly pays them rent. Living at home also has the advantage of being near family too. If the parents aren’t struggling financially, I think many of them like having their children around.
Vera: If I had had to go to a different city for university, I might have moved out sooner as well. Plus I’m still rather close (geographically speaking) to my family. We live a 5 minute walking distance from one another
Georgina
December 10th, 2010
I come from an Asian family so my parents, like yours, don’t mind supporting me until I can afford to live on my own. They’re like that… and I’ve heard other Asian parents are too. However, I do want to get the hell out because sometimes they bother me. I also can, but my parents will actually see it as some kind of rebellion and think that I want to get away from them (if you haven’t guessed, I certainly don’t want to give them that impression).
Do you live with your parents?
Yes, still do!
Do/Did you pay rent while doing so?
No, I don’t. My friend does, and I find it ridiculous that he has to pay to live under their roof. x_x I guess he could buy a place to live but he can’t afford that either. I don’t know why parents do that when eventually, and usually, any money that is left once they pass will be given to their children. Perhaps it is some kind of discipline but if a child is earning their own money, then that should be enough for them to manage their money, and perhaps parents should expect their children to buy their own ‘stuff’ from there on in, but I believe children paying rent to their parents is silly. I buy my own stuff with my own money, even though my mum doesn’t like what I buy. She’s not that bothered because it’s not her own money.
How do you feel about parents supporting you (financially)
after a certain age (eg high school) ?
It’s not… it’s not something to be embarrassed about. It is nice to be independent but when you need help, it’s good to have them by your side. I am very grateful for it. My parents still support me and I’m in university at the moment. I pay for most of my own clothes, food, transport, and other necessary things, but they help me pay my uni fees.
Vera: heh, my dad still says something along the lines of “you only moved out because of those American Internet friends of yours“. I’m glad though that I’m not the only person who doesn’t think that parents supporting their (older) kids is such a bad thing.
[...] Lianko – For all the Wrong Reasons (living with parents) [...]
Sabrina
December 10th, 2010
1. I live in my own apartment in a city 300 miles away from my parents. I’m not financially dependent on them in the least (not for college, not for living); however, they consider my primary home to be their house, still.
2. I would never pay rent to live with my parents — I would just move out as they are ultra-strict and limiting.
Vera: Unfortunately, very few people can afford to do number 2, here. Mostly because it is not really “popular” for students to work. OK, so this has started to changed in the last 2 years… but parents supporting kids through uni, alongside with housing is more or less the norm here.
Lisa
December 10th, 2010
Do you live with your parents?
Moved out at the ripe old age of 17 when I went to college, even though it was in the same city.
Do/Did you pay rent while doing so?
No, and I don’t think my parents would ever ask me to pay rent. I did have to do some chores, keep my room clean, etc.
How do you feel about parents supporting you (financially) after a certain age (eg high school)?
I was fortunate to have parents who supported me through undergrad. I supplemented with a couple of part-time jobs, but my main focus was school. The day I graduated I was cut off. Now that I’m back in school for my masters degree they aren’t giving me a penny, and I wouldn’t expect them to. Since I was able to save money while I was in undergrad, I was able to buy a house at the ripe old age of 22!
Vera: Wow that’s a great achievement! Although the cutting off right after graduation seems a bit harsh, IMO.
Interesting how you moved out when starting college. I didn’t leave my city for university either, but never really occurred to me to move out. I think I heard of someone who did, and everyone found it odd, and perhaps a bit of a silly whim.
gem
December 10th, 2010
While I don’t live with my mom, she still definitely helps me out a lot. Financially, I feel that she should help me out if it’s possible and I would do the same for my kids. It’s about getting your kids on their financial feet, which takes help in the beginning. A lot of why I moved far away and never plan to move home have to do with personal freedom. I’m really big on having my own space and the ability to make my own choices. I also don’t want to be held accountable for my actions by anyone. My mom was someone who held me accountable, which was great for me as I was growing up, but then once I got to high school it was too much accountability, not enough freedom. Of course, financially she can hold me accountable, to the degree that she helps me out. I.e. if she’s giving me help, I better be looking relatively hard for a job that will let her off that hook. And there better be a future-based reason that I’m living in an apartment if I can’t pay rent. (Which there is- I want to live in NY in the future and have to be here in order to find a job. I couldn’t find a job here if I lived at home.)
Vera: Phew, I’m glad there are still parents who don’t just cut you off because you reached a certain age. Oh my parents were always moaning about me not being mature enough, but it was more of a : we’ll die eventually and you’ll just starve cause you’re so childish.
??:
eemusings
December 10th, 2010
Moved out at 17.
Parents always told me they’d charge soon as I finished high school. But I left before they got the chance to test that theory.
Vera: Sounds sort of like a threat the way you put it, can’t blame you for wanting to get away from it.
Kitty
December 11th, 2010
Do you live with your parents?
= Yes I do and it makes me feel awkward sometimes. At 24, I should be independent enough to live on my own, but my parents would not hear of that. In my culture, children live with their parents even until they are married and can afford a house of their own. The eldest (male) child usually has the responsibility of taking care of the parents so even if he already has his own family, he is expected to get his parents to live with him too.
Do/Did you pay rent while doing so?
= No. My mom thinks that it is a strange thing to do.
How do you feel about parents supporting you (financially) after a certain age?
= Definitely awkward but my parents insist on supporting me. My mom even ban me from using my own money to buy stuff. As she always say, “As long as we (she and my dad) can afford it, you’re not allowed to spend your money.” I had no choice but listen to her but soon after I joined the university I began paying for my own things.
———————-
It would be an unspeakable horror if my family expects me to marry an “orangutan”.
Vera: When I lived at home, my parents acted similarly… well aside for the buying of stuff for myself. Once I had a job they expected me to buy my own clothes and other necessities. But for the rest, they were all: just try to save up for now, we can manage on our own for now.
Emma
December 11th, 2010
I was to be able to live at home rent free during school, and until I had a full time job. As soon as I was done school and working, I was aware that I would be paying rent. My mom wanted to charge $100 a month (not a lot, but something so that I didn’t waste all my money, and to cover the added costs for utilities, etc). My dad wanted to charge $100 a week.
Knowing that, I did everything in my power to avoid moving back home (that was already part of my plan though), and especially since if I was going to be paying rent, I wanted it to be on my own terms.
Looking back, I think that their terms are fair, and my younger brother finished university and lived at home with my parents while waiting to hear back on a job (it took 5 months for him to actually get it) – he didn’t pay rent, but he also didn’t have a job that could pay the rent (or anything else, for that matter).
Honestly, I would love for my parents to help out once in awhile (i.e. buy us the expensive things that we don’t want to spend money on), but it really isn’t necessary. When I have a kid, I would love free babysitting
, but at this stage in my life, I am doing just fine!
In fact, by having rent (all inclusive with utilities), I would say we are better off than my parents. With the cost of utilities and their mortgage, there are many months that they struggle. Electricity alone is $250 – $400 a month (depending on the month), and they are in a 3 bedroom bungalow, so it is certainly not cheap to own a house! Meanwhile, my portion of our rent is $615.
Vera: well no, of course it isn’t necessary. But it’s nice to know that they didn’t decide you don’t deserve things anymore, just because you’re a kid. Wow $100 a week is a LOT to pay for rent, here… even if it included utilities.
Lea
December 11th, 2010
I’m actually writing a comment, it’s a strange experience
.
Do you live with parents?
Well… my mum moved in with me, so it’s the other way round. I moved out right after high school at 19 and she invaded me at 21. Most of my friends live on their own as well, since they all had to move to different cities. I don’t mind people living with their parents, at least until they’re able to support themselves. Then it becomes strange, like my cousin who was a well-paid job a wife and a son…
Do you pay rent while doing so?
. It’s cheaper for us to live together than to have individual flats.
We both pay for everything, I don’t really know whose money goes where – I just dump them together
How do you feel about parents supporting you after certain age?
.
Look, above – till you’re not financially stable, I don’t mind. Personally, I don’t like anyone paying for me – after I moved out I started looking for a job
That’s all.
Vera: Well yes, your situation with your mom, is different of course
. But I’m relieved to see you don’t see parental support as a “privilege” that will “automatically” be removed once you reach a certain age.
Becca
December 14th, 2010
I live with my parents, which would be a little weird if I didn’t since I’m only sixteen.
I think that it’s alright to live with your parents without paying rent and whatnot to a certain age. Actually, if I were to live with my parents until I was 33, they would probably have me and not require me to pay rent, but they would also be trying to find me a place to get the heck out. So I think it just comes down to how you grow up and what your parents do. It’s a bit odd for me to see parents charging rent, but then again, my best friend will have to once she’s 18, which is a bit ridiculous I think since she will be still in high school…
Vera: Well I guess if her parents are short for money… and assuming that they pay rent for the place they live in, it’s like contributing to the bills. But if they can manage fine without that money, it seems kind of weird that all of a sudden they couldn’t afford to support the child (just because he/she reached a certain age).
Kitty
December 18th, 2010
People are likely to go on stealing images from the internet, reproduce them and claim them as their own. Sometimes I do wonder if any of these people ever stop and think about their actions.
I need a book on WP plugin development because I couldn’t find any good tutorials on the web. The ones that I find make my eyes like this -> @_@
I need a smartphone too because I can’t always sit in front of a computer so I need a phone with internet access. Any ordinary phone can do that too but I need something that is a little bit more powerful. But like you, I just don’t feel like paying for it.
Phi
December 30th, 2010
I plan on living with my mother for quite some time. After college is probably when I’ll move out. I think it’s better this way. If you can save the money and lessen the burden from your parents form dorming or lessen the burden from yourself from rent, its easier to just concentrate on studying.
I would like to start paying rent because to me, it only feels right doing so. But I’ll wait until I get a stable job. lol.
But after a certain age, a child should start taking of their parents. That’s what I think anyways. I want to give back for all the things my mom has done and given me.
Vera: oh definitely, I agree. The question is, what said age is, and why some people find it so… bad when others are “late bloomers”. :\